Saturday, August 20, 2011

Gerard Depardieu...impromptu "potty break" triggered by prostate problems! Urinary tract infections painful, too!

When a sensational report splashed across news outlets around the globe - alleging that french actor Gerard Depardieu stood up and urinated in the aisle on a jet bound for Dublin - I held judgment for a couple of reasons.

If an international celebrity of his stature is accused of such wild behavior, there must be a reasonable (albeit potentially embarrassing) explanation for the bizarre impromptu antics.

When I reflected on the incident, I surmised that the well-respected actor ('til now) was either stinko (drunk) or - just maybe suffering from a  medical condition that triggered the cranky outburst whic caused him to engage in the ghastly indecent act.

According to a pal who was travelling with the star (actor Edouard Baer) , Debardieu was sober.

The whole ugly scenario unravelled when high-flying celebrity informed a flight attendant that he was in dire need of the restroom. However, instead of ushering the French Citizen to the facility, the airline employee informed him that he would have to wait until the jet was airborne (about fifteen minutes later).

But, as fate would have it, the take-off was delayed - for what turned out to be - an excruciating twenty minutes for the star of films such as "Green Card".

At this point, Depardieu fired a warning shot off the bow!

According to eyewitness on the plane, the actor declared in a loud voice:

“Je veux pisser, je veux pisser”.

A rough translation in English?

“I want to pee. I want to pee”.

When the airline personnel ignored his plea, he was forced to relief himself on the spot, because he was unable to hold the stream of urine back.

The actor attempted to urinate in a bottle, but for obvious reasons, his aim was not so precise. To the outrage of disgusted passengers, he ended up peeing on the floor of the cabin in plain sight.

“Gerard was upset at this and offered to clean up the mess,” Baer said.

And then, the truth sputtered out.

“He has prostate problems and it was very worrying and humiliating for him."

Coincidentally, just a few weeks ago, I was plagued with a urinary tract infection - and subsequently - can sympathize with Mr. Depardieu's dilemma.

When the nasty bug struck moi, one minute I was writhing in pain having difficulty urinating - in the next - I was overcome with an uncontrollable urge to "pee" without warning.

I thought I would literally burst!

For a month, it was sheer hell!

A malfunctioning "prostate" triggers the same reactions - and probably won't let up - until a doctor either prescribes a potent antibiotic - or in the alternative - surgery.

This is one of the reasons why I get so angry at restaurants and shopkeepers that refuse restroom access to pedestrians who don't intend to patronize their establishment.

If 'ya gotta go, 'ya gotta go.

In a pinch, at least a guy can whip it out behind a bush to get some immediate relief.

Not so with ladies, amigos!

Hopefully, this has been a learning experience for everyone on both sides of the Atlantic.

Things are not always as their appear on the surface, after all.

Don't feel humiliated Mr. Depardieu, I've been there!

As I was penning this post, a dumb joke we used to tell when we were kids, surfaced into my consciousness.

Who wrote the book "Golden Showers"?

I .P. Standing


Maybe a bit of levity is needed just now, eh?

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