Wednesday, August 31, 2011

President Obama...Uncle a fugitive residing in the U.S. illegally!

The President was a little red-faced this week when disturbing news reports about his Uncle - Onyango Obama - triiggered a media frenzy.

At least one biblical passage I am familiar with  is quite emphatic about one of the issues that has raised its ugly head

"You are not your brother's keeper."

In view of the fact the Commander-in-Chief has flipped-flopped on the escalating problem of illegal immigrants, it appears that an investigation may be required to determine if President Obama willfully hid facts and information that may establish that Barack's behind-the-scenes maneuvering  was a conflict of interest.

For example, if the President's stance on illegal immigrants was based  on the fact that relative in  his own family circle were seeking relief (legal status), he was bound to disclose and let the chips fall where they may.

At a minimum, it appears that President Obama may have acted unethically and immorally.

The matter basically hinges on two issues.

Did President Obama know that his uncle was an illegal immigrant on the lam?

If so, when did Barack first learn of the problem?
According to Law Enforcement, Onyango Obama was born in Kenya, and has been residing under the radar in Massachusetts until eratic driving back east resulted in a  DUI charge  and detention by ICE.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Life...quote by Julian Ayrs!

 you are

Julian Ayrs
Chocolate Buddha
Collection Of Poems

Dr. Conrad Murray...devious legal maneuver to "humanize" physician's image!

When tabloid gossips caught sight of Dr. Conrad Murray schlepping about a local shopping mall - in a tacky hot-pink t-shirt, they just about put in a call to the fashion police.

"Well, Murray could have at least sported a white shirt (beneath a tasteful suit jacket perhaps)," one admonished, as his partners in rumor-mongering split-a-gut on the sidelines.

The quip triggered a red flag in my mind!

Of course, with the upcoming trial for manslaugher about to dramatically unfold in Los Angeles, Murray's expert defense lawyers probably urged their client to play the common Joe whenever he was out-and-about, in a deceitful effort to "humanize" Murray to the public at large.

Just betcha!

Bike Tours...picturesque day trips for $29.00! Cycling great for cardio-vascular health!

When sightseeing, a delightful way to explore quaint out-of-the-way attractions, is on a two-wheeler.

At first blush, that freeing opportunity may appear to be limited to agile outdoorsy types brimming with energy.


The  owners of "Pedal or Not" are now offering a fleet of motorized bikes that allow tourists to work up an invigorating sweat by virtue of their own pedal-power (great cardio-vascular work-out) or - in the alternative - cruise at a leisurely carefree pace by simply switching to electric power.

Specail tour rates for day excursions of Santa Monica and Venice are currently affordably discounted at $29.00.

Experience the architecture, the history, the eclectic art scene!

Experience the area's sand, surf and ocean breezes -as well as - an up-close peek at the Marion Davies Guesthouse, the Santa Monica Pier, and the Venice canals.

 All tours are 2 1/2 to 3 hours long.


Lady Gaga...Ross (Jay Leno Intern) quote of the day!

The Nation's knee-jerk reaction to Lady Gaga's bizarre (misguided) attempt to introduce her tough-talking male alter-ego on stage at the MTV Video Awards day-before-last was swift and severe.

Throughout the day - the broadcast airwaves, talk shows, the internet, and gossip tabloids - were dominated with scuttlebutt ( social commentary, too) on the embarrassing debacle.

On "Chelsea Lately" - for instance - a posse of B-list comics on the cable circuit jumped into the fray with hilarious results.

In one segment, Ross (Jay Leno Intern) uttered up the quote of the day.

"Even I could play a man better than Lady GaGa," he chirped!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Dancing with the Stars...Chaz Bono, Ron Artest, Nancy Grace headline roster! It's not over 'til the fat man dances!

The celebrities (!) producers rustled up for the upcoming season of ever-popular - "Dancing with the Stars" has turned out to be a mind-boggling hodge-podge of what-if's, so-so talent, and wannabees.

With the exception of Chynna Phillips, Ricki Lake, and David Arquette.

Just betcha, after casting got two sheets to the wind one night, the dead soldiers (empties) were put to practical use in a raunchy round-or-two of spin-the-bottle to dredge up a wild card or two - with the ultimate aim - of shaking things up.

Is Chaz Bono that nimble on his feet in his sensible black shoes?

Can Ron Kardashian hold his own, or is he simply capitalizing on the family's reality-show brand?

Nancy Grace may be quick with a quip, but is the mouthy talk-show host capable of tripping-the-light fantastic on the ball-room floor?

Frankly, the image of Ms.Grace in the arms of man is way beyond the pale.

ABC brass - what the heck were you thinking - eh?

Well, you know what they say:

"It/s not over until the fat man dances!"

Stay posted for updates.

MTV Video Music Awards...Lady Gaga hogs mic! Justin Bieber strokes his "Johnson"!

Beyonce left her frizzies at home in favor of stunning cut which suited her pretty facial features, heartthrob Justin Bieber revealed a wicked dark side (is the pop star a cock tease?), and the appearance of  Lady Gaga's alter-ego on stage lacked any snap crackle or pop (her performance was downright amateurish, in fact).

For the most part, the MTV Video Music Award broadcast was a smorgasbord of sensual delights.

The hip annual event moved along at a fast clip - and by the time the curtain fell - a celebrated roster of top headlining acts had paraded across the stage.

In a pre-show one-on-one interview with his current squeeze Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber stroked his pet snake (Johnson) and raised a few eyebrows in the process.

What would Freud think?

By the way, Selena - who usually trots down the red carpet impecably attired - ended up a fashion victim last evening.

Her gothically-inspired (?) fright frock reminded me of a game we used to play in my youth.

Neighborhood kids would fold a piece of construction paper in half, then cut out sections along the crease at random.

When the paper-clipping was opened up - mirror images of each cut - ended up creating a fanciful design.

Appropriate for a child's bedroom wall, but too cute and peek-a-boo for a designer gown with serious aspirations.

Nicki Minaj's Japanese-inspired get-up also left a lot to be desired.

Probably one of the most awkward moments on stage occurred when Lady Gaga's alter-ego - Jo Calderone - presnted Britney Spears with the prestigious Michael Jackson Vanguard Award.

Britney was taken aback when Lady Gaga's odd-ball creation attempted to draw her into a passionate clinch.


Worse than that, Lady Gaga showed a shocking lack of taste when she contined to hog the mike (and mug for the cameras) as Britney Spears politey stood by waiting for the opportunity to deliver her acceptance speech.

At this point in her dazzling career ('til now, anyway) , it may behoove the Pop Diva to hire on a artistic director to draw in the reins now-and-then,  to ensure the talented songbird doesn't topple into the abyss.

A good time was had by all, nonetheless!


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Ghost...weepy romance to be launched as a Broadway Musical! March 2012!

Who could ever forget that erotic scene in the blockbuster hit Ghost where actor Patrick Swayze suggestively guided Demi Moore's delicate hands up-and-down on a phallic-looking hunk of clay on a potter's wheel as the haunting theme song (Unchained Melody) swept up die-hard romantics to a weepy state of sheer ecstasy (brought some to tears) below the theatre footlights.

A tear jerker, alright.  It comes close  to "The Notebook" in that regard.

Now, word out of New York is that the well-crafted original script - which snatched up a smattering of film awards (Whoopi Goldberg nabbed an Oscar for best supporting actress for her zany portrayal of a nefarious charlatan) has been adapted for the stage in New York.

God willing, previews are slated to kick-off in New York in March 2012.

Tony Award-winner Tony Warchus will direct.

In addition to musical input by the Righteous Brothers, there will be a roster of songs by Glen Ballard and Dave Stewart (Eurythmics).

At press time there was no casting information for the much-anticipated spiritual thriller!

Stay posted!

Los Angelenos...influx of Latinos triggers nick-name!

On the heels of a news broadcast which reported that a head-count determined that 50% of the population in Los Angeles was comprised of Latinos, cynics jumped on the band-wagon and dubbed the third-world city:

Los Angelenos

A similar phenomenon occured in the Pacific Northwest a few decades ago in the wake of influx of Asian Immigrants into Canada's 3rd largest metropolis.

Locals began to jokingly refer to the city as Hongcouver.


As Rodney King might say in so-many-words:

Can't we get along?


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Die Harder (Die Hard 2)...I pop up in the most unexpected places!

I turn up in the most unexpected places!

For example, this evening when I was channel-surfing, I was astonished to spy mself in a cameo role in "Die Harder" (Die Hard 2)

In a nutshell, the plot focuses on a handful of former black ops officers, who shut down an airport with the specific aim of rescuing a nortoris International criminal from extradition to face prosecution.

When airport personnel disobey an order to refrain from restoring power to the airport, the tough-as-nails leader and his rag-tag band of intruders, proceed to manipulate the airport data.

While all the characters in the intense drama stare in shock, an aircraft in-bound from England is downed killing all on board in a horrific crash.

I was one of the passengers on the jet.

Gosh, I was so young and handsome-looking in my stylish business attire (even if I do say so myself).

That is one of the plusses when an actor works in the medium of film and televiision.

The performer's image remains sealed in time for eternity.

Facebook...privacy issues continue to plague social hub! Mark Zuckerberg a cad!

Priacy issues continue to rear their ugly head at Facebook (the  popular social hub).

For example, a handful of irate members cried foul recently, when they learned that whenever a post was published on the site the log-on location was visible to all on the Internet.

Their angst was well-fonded and for good reason.

For example, let's say a battered wife was in the midst of an ugly divorce - it is wholly possible that the estranged husband could track his wife down - with potentially dangerous results.

Celebrities may be at risk too; after all, a demented stalkers may use the information to get up-close and personal with the object of their burning passion.

Today, when I logged in, I was faced with a convuluted dilemma.

As I was attempting to post a article, the screen went an eerie opague color - at which point - I was asked to respond to posting selections being offered up.

For example, Facebook staff posed three questions:

1. Do you want the post to be visible publicly?
2. Do you want the post to be visible just to friends?
3. Do you want the post to be visible just to yourself?


Frankly I found the third option downright ludicrous.

Who wants to post a message that is only visible to themself?

There was another niggling problem that also troubled me.

If the member selected the first option to make the post visible, does that mean the location would be screaming out from the Facebook site?

For a company that claims to be a leader in the field, Facebooks come off looking pretty rinky-dink.

Mark Zuckerberg should be strung-up by the balls in the town-square and tarred-and-feathered.


The Collateral Lender...rips-off consumers in Beverly Hills! Deceptive & Dishonest business practices!

As Americans around the country struggle to make ends meet, unscrupulous pawn shop owners and loan sharks have taken advantage of the devastating crisis to rip-off consumers.

One of the worst offenders is the Collateral Lender (Inc) at 8801 Wilshire Boulevard at Robertson in Beverly Hills (CA).

Some indiividuals have complained that the manager Justin (Josh?) - an uppity Asian-American male - goes back on his word in respect to the terms of the agreement.

For example, when a piece of jewellery is first appraised, the shopkeeper agrees to pay a specific sum.

However, when the loan is processed, the total is often short by $25 or $50 dollars.

Talk about sleazy business practices!

In addition, the Collaterall Lender often fails to abide by the terms of  the agreement which are legally-binding.

For instance, the jeweller is required to give notice in the event the loan is about to go into default.

Justin and his staff routinely ignore the laws of the land and for obvious reasons.

If the loan goes into default, they can turn around and sell the customers cherished keepsake for a staggering profit.

One client reported that when he was out-of-town on business - and unable to drop in to the establishment to make a payment in person -  he left a message on The Collateral Lenders website.

Although a pop-up message assured the customer that someone would respond shortly, that was not the case.

The message was ignored!

Agian, in this instant scenario, it was a deliberte dishonest attempt to force the loan into default, so the Collateral Lender could rustle up a profit at the individual's expense.

I say, avoid these sharks like the plague!

Twitter...some followers leave a lot to be desired!

Yesterday when I was checking my e-mail, I spied a notice from the staff at twitter informing me that I was now being followed by "We tow twenty-four hours".

Say what?

For the most part, my followers tend to be actors, flmmakers, stylists, even politicans running for office (Barack Obama's Election Campaign).

Frankly, the thought of being followed by a towing company (that hauls off vehicles in the dead of night under clandestine scenarios causing untold misery to motorists) didn't  fly with me.

Would you want a towing company monitoring your whereabouts 24/7?

Needless to say, I blocked their request.

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Big Lebowski.Reunion...Jeff Bridges John Goodman & Julianne Moore celebrate Blu-ray Edition!


Fans of the cult classic - The Big Lebowski - were thrilled when Jeff Bridges, Tom Goodman, and Julianne Moore - graced the red carpet at a New York reunion celebrating the release of a Blu-Ray Edition.

Readers at the Tattler may recall that I have reported on frenzied midnight screenings of the Coen Brothers flick at revival houses in Los Angeles such as the New Beverly Cinema.

Post: 11/05/2007

The phenomenon prompted die-hard fans of the screwball dark comedy to launch a podcast site celebrating all-things Big Lebowski.

Post:  02/28/2009

I felt quite honored when the webmaster invited me to share my own thoughts on the site.

Long live the dude!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Kris paparazzi captures hunk jerking off!

An overseas sharp-shooting paparazzi caught intimate shots of Kris Humphries and his blushing bride (hot & flustered?) in the throes of passionate love-making on the balcony of their hotel while honeymooning in Italy.

Steamy stuff!

At one point, however, the basketball stud's wife turned over, and he was left to his own devices, to finish up.


The nimble photographer captured intimate shots of the basketball stud with his hand down his sweat pants spanking the monkey!

Some times, if 'ya want something done, you just have to do it yourself!

Stay posted for updates.

Barack election bumper stickers!


At the risk of being pelted with rocks on the highway by irate Americans - nonetheless - Jeremy Bird (National Director for the Field Campaign) is offering free bumper stickers that tout President Barack Obama's bid for the oval office in the upcoming 2012 election

Supporters - all thirty-eight percent of them - may snap one up by signing a registration form at the election campain site.[slug=file_dataset,key=fi

Voters who sign up for a sticker should be mindful that because the President's campaign is being organized on a local level, their names will retained in a data base so that handlers may contact them with ways to get involved in their neighborhood.

Hail to the Chief!

AFAN 25th Annual Black & White party...dazzling fundraiser @ Cosmopolitan Hotel! August 27th!

Aid for AIDS of Nevada has teamed up with the Cosmopolitan of  Las Vegas to celebrate the 25th anniversary of their  annual avant-garde Black & White Party which has turned out to be a highlight of the season each year in Las Vegas.

The Boulevard Pool will be transformed into a full-sensory experience featuring nonstop entertainment, an incredible smorgasbord of tasty treats including appetizers, desserts and exotic libations, as well as a raffle with a myriad of desirable prizes.

This year, the much-anticipated glittering event kicks-off with an exclusive pre-party at the oh-so-chic Marquee Nightclub.

For $75, guests may saunter into the Boom Box Room, which offers fabulous views overlooking the Strip. Guests may extend their VIP status throughout the entire party, by the way.

Private daybeds also are available for individuals and their entourages.

Premier restaurants - such as Boa Steakhouse, Sushi Roku, Brio Tuscan Grill, Outback Steakhouse, P.F. Chang’s and Rubio’s - have graciously donated some of their finest dishes for the fundraising cause.

Several of Cosmopolitan’s restaurants will also participate including China Poblano, STK, Jaleo, Blue Ribbon, DOCG and Scarpetta.

A host of premium liquor vendors will be featuring tastings of Absolut Vodka, Malibu Black, Montecristo Rum, Moet Champagne, as well as other alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages.

Guests will be entertainment by strolling stilt-walkers and dancers, a caricaturist, a fortune teller, a magician and a body painting artist.

 KLAS Channel 8 anchor Chris Saldana is the host.

Guests also have a golden opportunity to scoff up gift certificates from Rubio’s, Blue Martini, The Queen Victoria Pub and Hard Rock Cafe in a raffle sponsored by the event organizers.

Larger ticket items include private bottle service at Chateau Nightclub & Gardens, Gallery Nightclub and Sugar Factory, a year’s worth of cupcakes from Cupcakery, one year of massages from Canyon Ranch Spa and a $3,000 advertising package from QVegas.

Why not try your luck? For a mere buck, it's worth the gamble!


Test tube babies...quote by Julian Ayrs!

Say a prayer
for all the test tube babies
without souls

Julian Ayrs
Divine Grace
A Collection of Poems

Cher...mask-like face triggers gossip! Is Pop Diva plastic surgery junkie?

When an interviewer quizzed Cher about her mask-like facial features that hinted that the Pop Diva may be a plastic surgery junkie, the celebrated  chanteuse responded with a knee-jerk reaction.

"It's my body. If I want to put my breast on my back, I will, cause it's mine," she adamantly barked back at the host.

In that event, the legendary star of stage, television, and film may end up looking  like a Cubist painting by Pablo Picasso.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

University Medical Center (Las Vegas) ...rogue security guards conduct warrant searches on patients! Incompetent negligent staff delay treatment! Quack Doctors misdiagnose ailments!

Patients suffering excruciating pain suffer for hours at University Medical Centre due to negligent incompetent staff, security guards conduct warrant searches (beyond their color of authority) on patients in the Emergency waiting room, and quack doctors misdiagnose ailments so frequently that patients are routinely forced to trek back for a second-or-third round of tests with the desperate hope of obtaining relief (at exorbitant cost to patients and their insurance carriers)

For example, when patients enter the Emergency facility a security guard directs the individual to sign their name on a waiting list, then promptly take a seat.

No problem with that.

Residents and tourists alike don't mind waiting their turn providing the  process is carried out in a fair professional manner.

Unfortunately, that is not the case, because UMC has hired dim-witted staff with all the personality, charm, and intelligence of a worm.

After one patient signed in, about an hour later, it suddenly became apparent that ailing individuals were being called up to register at admissions before her, in  spite of the fact they entered the medical facility thirty minutes later

When the patient strolled up to check her name on the roster, the sheet with her name on it had vanished for some inexplicable reason.

At this juncture, the ailing individual - bent over in pain - walked up to clerk to determine why their name had not been called.

The gruff Asian woman - with limited English skills - barked back rudely:

"Maybe it's here."

"My name was on the top of the list, so I should have been called before the others," she politely responded.

"Sometimes, I can't read the names," she snarled.

Say what?

Does that mean the unskilled worker would by-pass the next person on the list, and simply leave them in lurch without their knowledge?

"Should I sign the sheet again," the woman probed further.

The admissions clerk did not even give the patient the courtesy of a reply.

Instead, she turned to the gentleman allegedly next-in-line, and rudely ignored the ill woman.

If the patient hadn't signed her name on the second list, she probably wouldn't have been called for treatment.

On a regular basis, patients often return with a worsened condition, because the ailment was not diagnosed or treated properly from the get-go.

In sum, quack doctors at University Medical Centre are partly responsible for the eventual collapse of Medicare - because of a debt load difficult to breach - triggered by their negligence, malpractice, and over-charges.

Patients have also complained that when employees in registration call them up to the front desk to scoop up information on their medical insurance, the nosy employees ask delicate questions about their health, current work status - you name it - in Violation of their privacy rights.

But, the most shocking revelations of all, pertain to allegations that security guards at the front desk routinely run warrant searches - and get this - ambush and arrest individuals (in the event one is on record) once the doctor discharges the unsuspecting patient a few hours later.

The landmark immigration laws designed to give broader powers to Law Enforcement in Arizona are child's play by comparison.

I haven't any confirmed reports that the security guards at UMC are also conducting witch-hunts against illegals, but in view of the fact the rogue security guards aforementioned have already crossed-the-line (and violated the Constitutional Rights of patients) it wouldn't surprise me.

The ACLU, the Feds, and the State Medical Board are urged to conduct a full investigation with the ultimate aim of ending this outrageous heinous illegal conduct, which smacks of a police state!

Stay posted for updates!

Mr. Manners (aka Julian Ayrs)...proper etiquette for Maids! Class & discretion please!

When a maid in Las Vegas uttered up a nasty rant on Fox 5 News one day, lamenting the fact  guests often failed to leave a tip on the night-table when they departed for parts unknown, Mr. Manners was inclined to spring into action.

Based on the maid's assumption that Vegas was a "tipping" town, the irate service industry worker proceeded to growl that if tourists were not inclined to reward the house-maids for turning-the-sheets down and supplying fresh  towels (and what-have-you) that the out-of-towners should take a hike.

"If you're not going to tip, don't come to Las Vegas," the bitchy broad yelled angrily into the phone.

For starters, tips are discretionary, my dear!

Notwithstanding, a token of appreciation ($$$) is usually based on quality of service, professional skill, friendliness, attitude, and-so-forth and-so-on.

At classy hotels, the staff discreetly place a welcome card on the night table, which ably informs that guest  - in a subtle but tasteful way - that tips are usually appreciated thank-you-very-much.

Bellowing hateful indignation on a local news outlet - is not only rude and insulting behaviour for an alleged professional - but also smacks of a glaring case of bad manners.

Hanging around at check-out, looking for all-the-world like a beggar, doesn't curry much favor either.

A top-notch maid (or butler) is keen on proper etiquette, after all.

For instance, a maid that barges in the room - without knocking or announcing herself - commits the ultimate sin when it comes to a guest's right to privacy.

In the same vein, it is also a no-no to touch a guest's personal possessions (even though they may be casually scattered about-the-room). 

The patron is on holiday, after all, and shouldn't be forced to "tidy up" every time a maid approaches their suite with duster and mop in hand, nor should they be subjected to such an intrusion from the get-go.

Clean around the guest's personal effects - and it goes without saying - no snooping Miss!

If a guest is in the room when a maid intends to sweep through, it is generally common courtesy for the worker to ask if he or she should perhaps return later at a more convenient time.

In the event the patron gives the go-ahead, it is usually good manners for the tourist to exit the suite, and allow the maid to perform their duties with someone breathing down their neck.

By the way, observing this simple rule may deter accusations of "rape" being fired off out-of-the-blue, one day.

On that note, a maid should always maintain a professional distance and avoid personal overtures.

A maid that gossips about the guests and their private habits to nosy fellow employees should be let go.

What happens in a suite, should remain in the suite.

Unless the guest is bad boy Charlie Sheen partying-hearty and disrupting the peace and calm.

In the final analysis?

When "the help" know their station in life, all will run smoothly.

For that, the maid may be duly rewarded, at the discretion of the guest.

Greatness of a Man...quote by Julian Ayrs!


The greatness of a man
 often measured
how formidable

Julian Ayrs
The Daily Planet
A Collection of Poems

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Kris Humphries...trouble at home? Hunk spotted at Airport without wedding band!

When an on-the-ball paparazzi captured a publicity still of Kris Humphries and his blushing bride at the airport bound for their honeymoon, the tongues began to wag, when the image of the couple-of-the-hour splashed across media outlets around the globe.

Although, Mrs. Humphries was flashing a dazzling diamond wedding ring - quite a rock, by any standards -Humphries' fingers were noticeably bare.

Trouble at home, already?

Or, is the studly athlete just a down-to-earth unaffected dude, turned off by silly adornments like jewellery?

Needless to say, his wife need not worry about single women on the prowl for bachelors.

In view of the vulgar glut of publicity that streamed across the Internet (and at media outlets far-and-wide)  on the heels of the wedding, it is highly doubtful that any bodacious babe on the planet is in the dark about Humphries current marriage status.

Unless, the hapless gal was lurking under a rock somewhere, of course!

Stay posted for updates!

Bachelor Pad...Jake's "package" titillates bodacious babes!

Ho  Hum!

Some nights it is a cultural wasteland on the old boob tube - so - viewers are forced to hunker down and make do.

Like last night, for instance.

After a bit of channel surfing, I finally landed on Bachelor Pad - a reality-show normally brimming with fluff - half-expecting to doze off before I downed the last  few drops of my brewskie.

Surprisingly, the off-beat dating bill-of-fare turned out to be a bit of a scandalous peep-show - of sorts - last evening.

On this week's episode, male and female contestants were vying for a rose in a synchroized swimming competition that smacked of an old Esther Williams classic flick of yesteryear.

For example, at one point, the fellas - in line on the edge of a olympic-size pool - proceeded to arch their arms and dive into the cement pond (as Jed Clampett would say) one-by-one in a graceful regimented style that was sheer poetry in motion.

At one point, an underwater camera not only singled out Jake's butt and muscular legs from behind, but also splashed a risque shot of the bachelors bulging crotch across the broadcast airwaves to viewers at home.

On the sidelines, one bodacious babe - who obviously has a crush on Jake - gushed:

"Jake should win the contest based on his package alone."

Size Queen!

Because a cold pool usually shrivels up the balls (and manhood) of most healthy all-American studs, it is evident from the risque footage taken of Jake, that the outgoing kid is obviously all meat-and-potatoes.

The girth is also important, Jake, or so they say!